I don't know if I'm typical INTJ in this regard, but when I was single I *always* preferred it when women made the first move: if I *had* to analyze why [yes, I realize I'm pegging the irony meter with that remark (grin)], I'd say it might be due to the lesser amount of social ritual ambiguity to deal with (you aren't so much thinking "is she really interested or just talking to be polite?" if *she's* the one to came to *you*, after all...)

swell question . . .
maybe this tribe??
most of the INTJ's i've known - recalling that we are a small % of the gen pop . . . report they met their partners/paramoors through other people . . . in my case if i thought a female was attractive, i'd probably think about approaching her to the point where opportunity was missed as i deliberated and cogitated and processed internally, blah, bla, blah . . .
best wishes . . .
dk

I prefer it when females make the first move, as it is a clear indicator of interest. If I make the first move, it can be hard to tell between interest and just being polite when we are interacting.

That said, I've usually always been the one to make the first move (to introduce myself). The reason I do that could either be that she looks very interesting and I just must talk to her, or she is cute or might be interesting and she has shown some interest (eye contact, smiling etc.).

Now I have a question for you, what type of person seeks out another specific personality type? I get the feeling the majority of the population wants to avoid (or at least observe from afar) INTJs rather than seek them out. If your friend is anywhere in northern California, then I'm her man!

Yes, make the first move. I'm not likely to. It will be worth it. Being scared off by someone taking the initiative makes no sense me.

As to where to find me, well, tht is a harder one. Look at the tribes that INTJ's subscribe to and join some of them.

WOuld INTJ girls make the first move? Personally, I might... lol maybe after a war in my head...

I'm an odd INTJ because my F function is fairly highly developed, and I'm not that strong of a T, but I'm going to go with my fellow INTJ's and suggest that the girl making the first move is important. It has to be crystal clear, or the hint will be missed.

If I thought she was cute and interesting...depends, if it's a setting where I can make conversation without looking odd, I might strike up a conversation. I have no difficulty striking up conversations - so that's not really challenging, but the issue would be even if I thought she was cute and interesting, I'm unlikely to do anything to take it to the next level for someone I just met, because I'm too reserved and emotionally vulnerable in that context.

I think if a girl wanted something, she would have to be quite outgoing...though specifically regarding you, as an ENFP, that shouldn't be a problem for you should it? :)

Yes, I have made first moves before. When I was much younger, and I was rejected, which was usually the case, I would go a long time in self-doubt about whether I had read the person correctly, or about my sex appeal. I am a nice looking guy, I just think that when I was younger I lacked the correct "social graces" to approach someone I was interested in in a suave way. Now it is a little different. I am almost near the 30 year range, and I look at it more like a numbers game. The only problem is that I do not "date" a lot of people at once. I am very focused on one individual if I like her. This means that when the relationship is young, and not stable, my feelings are very vulnerable to either being hurt or much jealousy-- and I have learned "tricks" to negotiate the feelings, because they can destroy the relationship before it can even get started. See if some of these comments help:

(1) You want to find INTJ's to date. Since we are a very small part of the general population and introverted, you have a delimma. Where to find us? If you are not an Engineer or Scientest, then you probably will not have proximity to where a lot of us tend to congregate professionally (I don't mean that all INTJ's are engineers or scientests... only that your odds of finding them will dramatically increase in these fields). So, I will tell you some of the places I like to hang out.

(a) Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million, or any book store that serves coffee/tea. I read broadly and deeply. On a Saturday I can spend up to 5 hours or more in one of these places by myself. Look for people who are there by themselves, and are reading these types of books: Math books (like Chaos Theory), Engineering books, or any other special Interest books like Civil War, Mafia. You are not likely to see me reading any "self-help" books, unless it is something that I can use as a tool, like "Personality Type", which sometimes gets placed in the self-help section. I love dogs, too, so I may be reading one of those. Especially if it is some weird spin on dog psycology, like how it relates to autism in people.

(b) When I try to be sociable, it is usually in the form of an activity that I turn into my "project". Like when I was taking Kung-Fu and Tai-Chi. These are group activities so I placed myself around people, but we are all involved in something with a goal... so I wasn't left feeling "weird" or left out with nothing to say in a social setting. This way, I could get to know my colleagues slowly and through a common objective.

(c) I attend Theatre once a month. I like the live productions. I usually go by myself. I would not recommend trying to find INTJ's there, but we do have wide interests-- we are even into some things you might not think we would be.

(d) I am at a coffee shop right now typing this. I can't tell you how many nice looking ladies have walked in and out of here today. They all have somewhere to go, though, or agendas it looks like. None have approached me, and I would probably not approach any of them. I am crushing on someone right now, and literally have no interest in anyone else. If one stopped and talked to me, though, it would certainly brighten my day. If she acted very interested, and seemed to want to push a further relationship, I would be open to it.

(2) Now suppose you have found what you think is your INTJ guy, and you have been flirting with him, and you want to go out with him. Again, I don't have any great answers, but I can share some of my exepriences with you. I like girls who are able to "draw me out" of my introversion. This means they are bubbly, but not over dingy. It is ok to be silly and have fun, but they need to be able to get beyond the surface of a situation pretty quickly. They must also able to communicate on an intelligent level-- this doen't mean that they have to most of the time. I am really touched by girls who able to create a sense of a deeper level with the right eye contact, and the right voice inflection. I like girls who are "fun", and able to appeal to my sense of humor.

(3) Generally, I don't like to feel like I have to "compete" for a girls attention. If that is the case, generally I will just let her go. I will compete, if I have approached a girl and I am reeeaallllyyy interested in her. But if you are the one approaching, the burden is probably on you. If you want him to make the first move, he probably will not do it with a lot of people around for the embarrassment of rejection, and also because we usually do not feel comfortable in these kinds of social situations. If you really want the INTJ guy to make the first move, it might be better to get him in a corner by himself so the dynamics are between you and him, and not you, him, and the group. He will be more apt to express his feelings to YOU, and NOT anyone else. His feelings are probably VERY private.

(4) What about after you have gotten your INTJ man? I know for myself, I am VERY committed to a person until I am absolutely sure that the relationship no longer works. I do not like breaking up, but I will do it once the decision has been made-- and not look back. Well, maybe look, but I will not go try to undo what has been done. What has been done has been done deliberately, and need not be undone.

Hope this helps,

Wyatt

I am an INTJ female and I make the first move probably most of the time (at least I don't notice if the guy has made the first move before I make mine). Once I decide on someone I am very direct: "Did you want to grab coffee sometime?" etc. I just decide if someone meets my criteria and then go for it. I am a physician so probably have had most of my "reserve" socialized out of me (I'm introverted, not shy). You can find me at the hospital, in various of the resident rooms (especially the small ones with locking doors) and the medical center library. Other than that I'm either doing scheduled activities with friends, or by myself doing random things (research, errands, working out). I don't like it when people come over uninvited and will probably be more interested if you are obviously busy but make time for me. (The same as I would do for you).