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Hello everyone! I'm a new member and this is my first post.
I'm actually am more of an IXTJ, but I still have problems with men (actually, people in general) being intimidated by me. One of my good friends said that she was intimidated by me at first. My best friend, who I've known since I was 17 (I'm 32.), said that I appear to have the whole package of beauty (thank God for make-up!), brains (it's called picking up a book and reading), and wealth (thank God for clearance racks!), and that men feel that they can't measure up.
I say/write all that because I'm in a bit of a bind. I'm interstested in a guy who I think is an ISFJ. I've dropped "bread crumbs," but the boy just hasn't grabbed a clue!!! We had a very nice conversation, and exchanged friendly emails. Then, all of a sudden, things turned from "friendly" to cordial. He's never been rude or anything like that. But, the tone of his emails changed. As a result, my did as well. The last email I sent, he never responded to it.
Even though I don't normally play into traditional gender roles, i.e. that the man should show interest first, that's what I wanted because that's the safe route for me as an introvert. When that wasn't working, I took it upon myself to make the first move, but I think that that has blown up in my face as well. It's like I can't win!
For other INTJ women, how did you meet your significant other? Did you have to make the first move? Especially if that person is a fellow introvert, how did you go about doing that?
If you're an introverted man, how did your significant other show their interest in you? Did they have to make the first move or did you "man up" and make the first move yourself? Would you consider it an assault on your manhood if a woman pursued you?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm actually am more of an IXTJ, but I still have problems with men (actually, people in general) being intimidated by me. One of my good friends said that she was intimidated by me at first. My best friend, who I've known since I was 17 (I'm 32.), said that I appear to have the whole package of beauty (thank God for make-up!), brains (it's called picking up a book and reading), and wealth (thank God for clearance racks!), and that men feel that they can't measure up.
I say/write all that because I'm in a bit of a bind. I'm interstested in a guy who I think is an ISFJ. I've dropped "bread crumbs," but the boy just hasn't grabbed a clue!!! We had a very nice conversation, and exchanged friendly emails. Then, all of a sudden, things turned from "friendly" to cordial. He's never been rude or anything like that. But, the tone of his emails changed. As a result, my did as well. The last email I sent, he never responded to it.
Even though I don't normally play into traditional gender roles, i.e. that the man should show interest first, that's what I wanted because that's the safe route for me as an introvert. When that wasn't working, I took it upon myself to make the first move, but I think that that has blown up in my face as well. It's like I can't win!
For other INTJ women, how did you meet your significant other? Did you have to make the first move? Especially if that person is a fellow introvert, how did you go about doing that?
If you're an introverted man, how did your significant other show their interest in you? Did they have to make the first move or did you "man up" and make the first move yourself? Would you consider it an assault on your manhood if a woman pursued you?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Unsu...
Re: INTJ Dating
Tue, February 19, 2008 - 8:07 AMWhen women think they are "intimidating" to men, it's a bit of a fallacy IMO.
The truth is somewhere closer to this: men think you are an overbearing/domineering bitch and therefore don't want to be romantically involved with you.
That's been my experience anyway, with women who say they are "intimidating" to men and then complain about their romantic life or lack thereof.
I apologize for being politically incorrect. -
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Re: INTJ Dating
Tue, February 19, 2008 - 8:21 AMI'm not offended by what you've written, and I know that I'm domineering and can be overbearing. But, that's not what I asked about in my post. I steered clear of all the "non-girliness" and "lack of femininity" because when you're talking about a lot of INTJ women, being domineering/overbearing is a given...simply because women are "supposed to be" soft and emotional. That's definitely not me.
I have a lot of friends and family members who are domineering, but they're married. They didn't hide that aspect of their personalities from their prospective mates. So, jade ed, I think that the reverse is also true. Some men can't take a strong woman.
BTW, most of the men who I know were interested in me, liked my personality. I think they were more intimidated by my intellect and my APPEARANCE of wealth. -
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Re: INTJ Dating
Thu, February 21, 2008 - 6:24 AMI agree with you, LynneFL, that some men are intimidated by a "strong" woman. Personalities sometimes clash and some quiet men prefer quiet woman, but I think the "domineering bitch" statements are expressions that some people use to ultimately say, "I am afraid I might not feel like a man with her." Just my opinion.
About your question specifically, I tend to think that respectful honesty is the best way to go with these things. Have you considered saying something directly, like, "I really enjoy our conversations...would you be interested in having dinner?" Or something of the like. Whatever you think fits here. The point is to be honest but not overbearing. If he says no, in any way, then politely thank him for considering it and leave him alone. If he says "Sure"! then great, go to dinner! I think we, as INTJ's, tend to over-think things sometimes. Being genuine and respectful, I find, works best.
Good Luck!
Trin
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Re: INTJ Dating
Thu, February 21, 2008 - 10:40 AMTrin, thank you for your insight. You'e right, I do overthink things A LOT!! I also know that I'm extremely tenacious, which can come across as me being overbearing sometimes. In this particular situation, I don't think I was overbearing with him because I kept communication to a minimum. But, of course, that was from my perspective. I've never really gotten a straight answer from him. Like I said in my orignial post, I get the impression that he's just as introverted and hesitant as I am.
In typical INTJ fashion, I don't want to make the same mistake again. Getting advice from those who have the same personality type and who have been through the same things will help. Since my personality is so different from everyone else's, it's difficult for people to relate to me and vice versa.
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Re: INTJ Dating
Fri, July 4, 2008 - 12:03 AMRomantic involvement is completely unsuited for INT* types, they need to stand above those animalic vulgarities that corrupt and degenerate the minds of vulgar mankind.
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Re: INTJ Dating
Thu, February 21, 2008 - 11:14 AM>> Even though I don't normally play into traditional gender roles, i.e. that the man should show interest first, that's what I wanted because that's the safe route for me as an introvert. When that wasn't working, I took it upon myself to make the first move, but I think that that has blown up in my face as well. It's like I can't win!
I always find it easier to let the other person show interest first, but I do, when needed, try to make the first move. The thing to remember is that the odds are against any particular match so any approach is going to fail more often than succeed. I'm getting more and more to the point of "just give it a try" and see what happens. It is important not to be too invested too early. It is important to be fully interested always.
>If you're an introverted man, how did your significant other show their interest in you? Did they have to make the first move or did you "man up" and make the first move yourself? Would you consider it an assault on your manhood if a woman pursued you?
I don't normally play into traditional gender roles. I always enjoy being pursued. I don't click with everyone who pursues me but how could it be otherwise. I need other people to be as strong as I am, otherwise it is dull and creepy.
I also do make the first move myself. It turns out that with a disproportionate number of the people I am or have been close to I have been the initial pursuer. I don't know if that is chance or telling.
My advice is to be yourself, be as strong as you are, pursue when you need or want to. You want someone who does well with you and enjoys you as you are. You don't want to have to put on a face all the time. The way to find people who you can be yourself with is to be yourself when first interacting with them.
Willy -
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Re: INTJ Dating
Thu, February 21, 2008 - 11:27 AMWilly, THANK YOU!!!! That's been my "argument" the entire time. A lot of advice that I've received from others is that I need to change or "put on" for someone. To me, that seem dishonest. I hate to use a cliche, but if the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't want a guy to pretend to be one thing, but in reality he's another.
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