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INTJ's and INFJ's.

topic posted Wed, November 18, 2009 - 5:49 PM by  Emily A.
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Hi, I am posting this because I am wanting to explore the differences between INFJ's and INTJ's. I know that these two types are commonly mistyped. In addition to general similarities and differences, I would also like to explore relationships between INFJ's and INTJ's. ie, the dynamics.

Lets start off with INTJ's and INFJ's in relationships. What have been your personal experiences between the differences and similarities of INFJ's and INTJ's in relationships?

Thank you :)
posted by:
Emily A.
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  • Unsu...
     
    Well I am an INTJ and my mother is an INFJ. I've found that my mother seems to be more of a people pleaser than I am, at least in the sense that she has a very hard time turning people down even when it is really obvious that she should be. For example, I remember that as a child whenever there was an emotionally needy person there looking for a shoulder to cry on (churches tend to attract that kind of behaviour, in my experience) they would automatically gravitate towards my mother, and would trap her there talking and crying for at least an hour after the service. This would happen week after week. Personally, I wouldn't have put up with it. Not because I am cold or that I don't like to help people, but I saw it as extremely unfair that she was encroached upon like that. especially time after time. Note, these people weren't even really her friends just emotionally needy strangers. Interestingly, she also saw it in the same way I did although she didn't (and still doesn't) feel able to refuse people like that. I'm trying to teach her :)

    Another difference between Mum and me is that she is a lot more emotional than I am in her relationships. She has always been far more likely to yell at people she is close to, cry in front of them, or try to hug them than I am. It is vary rare for me to lose my temper; I have to be really pushed to the brink before I will. I think it's largely that she's a little passive agressive and I tend to be more assertive, if it's possible. This may be an INFJ/INTJ difference.

    Also, I just wanted to say that I feel we are extremely similar people, and I am really close to my Mum; we just 'click' and she's always felt that I understand her a lot better than my Dad and my brothers. I'll add something else if I think of it :)
    • Unsu...
       
      Sorry, I meant to say 'whenever there was an emotionally needy person at Church looking for a shoulder to cry on'.
      • Are these 2 types commonly confused? I don't think so.

        To give a concrete backup for Peta's description, let's just say an INTJ woud feel no need to end his post with thanks.
        • They are very commonly confused -- I wish I could earn a nickel for every person who's confused between them. I could easily retire someplace fabulous!

          I cover a lot of the similarities and differences between INTJ and INFJ on my website here:
          www.INFJ.com/INFJorINTJ.htm

          The video I filmed with my INTJ husband has been especially well received by many who are exploring the differences.

          -Vicky Jo
          (thank you thank you thank you! :-D)
          • The similarities and differences between INTJ ans INFJ are pretty obvious, confusion could only derive from lack of observation or from skimming the surface only.
            Though to my mind these 2 types are impossible to confuse :-).
            • The two types *are* pretty easy to distinguish-- unless you encounter someone with a balanced or nearly-balanced T/F. Remember that INTJs are often under a tremendous amount of social pressure to be something else, so maybe that pushes some of us harder to mimic INFJ. I am a Gemini, which I have been frequently told is very obvious; I am quite sure that it's a T/F dichotomy and the NF is a "skin" that I wear pretty easily because it smoothes out a lot of social situations. It gets difficult, being an INTJ woman all the time. Sometimes I just have to walk in another skin.
  • Im an INTJ women dating an INFJ women and i find the main thing thats different between me and her is shes a people person and im far from it i do find she has a problem with setting boundaries with people and i have to step in to help her out of situations she got herself into inpart being the bad guy.....I mean i never would have been with this girl if we didnt meet at a friends party and i happended to have a little to many giving the fact of my introverted thinking its hard to get to know people and make new relationships i tend to intimidate while people do flock to her with comfort i wish i could understand this but thats me trying to analize feelings she also like to fit into the social "norm" while i dont care if people think im different because i am i just want people to !understand! my differences like i try so hard to understand everyone around me
  • I am an INTJ. I worked with two INFJ's. I found one of them emotional, needy, not always focused, and this person eventually clashed with my management style. I was constantly reminding this person I needed realistic - not altruistic ideas (which to me, although I can sometimes admire the cause, I often find them irrational). This person was afraid of making mistakes and often made excuses, which I hate. All I want is someone to admit the error and fix the problem. Although there was only one difference - "F" vs. "T" in our MBTI, it was as if we functioned in different worlds which neither could understand. I think it was harder for her than it was for me, as I could easily hurt her feelings by saying something blunt, and its hard to hurt mine, especially if what is being said is true. The other one - it is interesting that you say they can be mistyped because I have always wondered if she was typed wrong - is generous, warm hearted, not as easily hurt, and although she can drive me nuts she tends to complement my personality by adding what I lack, and at the same time she at least has the ability to think with her head and not only her heart.

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